Man’s disturbingly graphic review of Gummy Bears has people crying with laughter

Have you ever had sugar-free Haribo Gummy Bears?

If the reviews on Amazon are anything to go by, you’d have to be pretty brave to try them.

The product no longer appears to be available online, but before they stopped being sold, hundreds flocked to the website to share their own experiences of eating these sweets which they claimed came “from the depths of hell”.

While the bears might have looked innocent, they were made with a sugar substitute called Lycasin, which contains the sugar alcohol Maltitol.

The ingredient is safe for most to eat, however when consumed in large amounts it can cause gas, bloating and diarrhea – something which is evident in the Amazon reviews.

A man named Joshua gave the sweets one star and posted a particularly graphic, but amusing review, comparing the aftermath to an iconic scene from Game of Thrones.

Joshua said: “I sit here writing this review at 4am from my porcelain throne, a fixture you will become all too familiar with if you choose to eat these cute little bears from the pits of hell.

“I had to eat a pound of these little b*ds after Man City must’ve thought they were playing American football the other week, and they lost to a team of Arsenal scrubs.

“Like a slow build-up of a Martin Scorsese film however, those bears were waiting for their baptism scene to destroy my insides. It started with the cramping, very akin to doing 1,000 crunches and then being forced to hold the 1001st crunch indefinitely.

“Then came the initial ‘run’ which opened the proverbial flood gates. I’m over 30 and I’m beginning to wonder if these bears know that and want to send me back to the can for each year I’ve been on this earth and to make me wonder why I’d ever been born.

“In between gastrointestinal bouts of pressure washing the inside of my toilet from my anus, I lay in bed feeling as if someone were to punch me in my stomach, I’d explode, turning the walls of my bedroom into a soiled Jackson Pollock rendition.”

He added: “Eat these if you dare, but be forewarned, they are not to be trifled with unless you want your toilet to be a staging ground for repeat fecal rehearsals of The Red Wedding from Game of Thrones.”

Another review by a shopper reads: “I thought the things people said about sugar free gummies were exaggerated… what a fool I was. I write this in the hopes that future generations will break the cycle and never have to live through what happened to me in the harrowing hours that were to come.

“That night I lay awake in bed, sweating, farting profusely, and unable to sleep because I had to run to the bathroom every few minutes. The stench was incomparable to anything I had ever smelled before.

“It was like a nuclear bomb had gone off in my bowels.”

There are many more reviews just like these and they’ve been keeping people very amused.

A woman named Laura left her own response, thanking people for sharing them as they’d given her a laugh during these stressful times.

She commented: “Was looking for sugar free gummys in the middle of the night. Can’t sleep too stressed about the coronavirus.

“Anyway just wanted to say thank you to the reviewers because their reviews made me laugh harder then I have in a long time. Thank you!”

A user named Nadine agreed, writing: “Oh my gosh!!!! Thank you for the laughs and for once the happy tears. We need more reviews like these.”

Someone named Cindy added: “I almost peed myself laughing! They are hysterical.”